Quote of the Day(s) (Link now working!)

"I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina"

"I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie.."

"My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?"

"He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said 'this has your name written all over it!'"

"I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot."

These and many more brilliant bon mots are from the blog "Texts from last night"
Enjoy!