Why My Coworkers Hate Me

Coworker: Did you do something to the email yesterday? Because I haven’t received a single email from any of my customers all morning.

Me: And you don’t think it has anything to do with a ton of different people simultaneously deciding they don’t like you?

Coworker: I hate you. [click]


Coworker: Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookie dough?

Me: I tell you what. When your little girls walk over there to 7th Street and shake their little asses for enough money to buy me a new stove, I'll consider buying some Girl Scout cookie dough.

Coworker: [no response]


Coworker: Do you have an explanation for why Megan in my other office cannot open Appleworks documents anymore just by double clicking on the icon itself in an attachment via e-mail, etc.? I know you showed her to drag and drop the icon onto the Appleworks icon, and then it will open. I just do not understand why it won't open when just double clicked?

Me: The documents you send her are probably configured by default to open with a different version of AppleWorks than the one you have.  When her computer can't find that specific version of AppleWorks, it freaks out.  There are a couple different versions of AppleWorks out there, but the differences are nominal.  However, in these cases, those nominal differences, combined with the differences in operating systems, etc., cause her machine not to like what you send her.  This is probably a vicarious insinuation of some sort directed at you, concealed well within the shroud of a lifeless computing machine, secretly anthropomorphic in its disdain for you.

Coworker: [no response]